Everyone is familiar with the saying, "They couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery!"

Well, tonight proved the point beyond doubt.

But before I lose the plot let me take you back a few weeks...

I don't get to check my Fire Service e-mails very often - maybe once a week, on Drill Night. To my surprise I had received an e-mail, not actually addressed to me, just CC'ed, talking about a mini-CMMI course that was being planned and here was a list of people who might be suitable. And yes, my name was amongst the chosen few.

No one actually asked me if I wanted to do it or indeed suggested why I should do it. But this is Suffolk Fire and Rescue and communication isn't one of its big strengths. Telepathy and second-guessing are the normal methods used.

Perhaps I should explain what a mini-CMMI actually is. Well, CMMI stands for Crew Manager, Managing Incidents (please note the use of Manager and a derivative of this word, Managing). Before a firefighter can take a pump out on a shout as OIC (Officer in Charge) they must have passed a CMMI course. This is a five day course, run at Normanshurst, that puts the candidates through many different scenarios both paper-based and in the drill yard. If you are successful you can be in charge of a pump.

Unfortunately, there isn't always a high pass rate and a number of stations are having problems getting pumps out because there are no JO's (Junior Officers) or CMMI trained firefighters.

So, as always, the answer seems to be to move the goalposts. Run three 2 hour sessions, culminating in a drill, and, if you pass, you can go in charge of a pump, as a last resort.

But what constitutes "a last resort"? Who decides that we have reached the last resort? Is it down to the mini-CMMI trained firefighter? Does he or she ring control to get the necessary clearance from them? What if things go tits up? Will the hapless mini-CMMI'ed firefighter get the full support of his superiors and the Fire Service?

Lots of questions and I still haven't got round to the whole point of this blog entry... Stay with it, I will get to the point.

Last night, just before Drill, I checked my e-mails and there was nothing of any great interest. Just an invitation to Chat with the Chief but that isn't high on my list of things to do on a Thursday lunchtime!

Tonight I left home in plenty of time for the drive to Beccles for the first two hour session of the mini-CMMI. Paul Henderson of Red Watch at Normanshurst (representing Clifton Road) was already there when I arrived and we went in a started to chat about the efficacy of the mini-CMMI. Times flies and the awful realisation dawns that no one else is going to arrive.

We tried ringing some of the Beccles guys who were meant to be on this course, tracking one of them down to the real CMMI course in progress at Normanshurst. Then I rang Tim Bray, the Sub Officer at Beccles, only to be told that he had received an e-mail a few days back to say that the course had been postponed until October.

Hmm, now we have Paul fully exercising his entire vocabulary of Anglo-Saxon swear words and me doing a half decent impression of a pissed off Victor Meldrew - "I don't believe it!"

Somehow the message had managed (there's that word again) to make its way down the chain of command to everyone except myself and Paul. We've received all the other e-mails about this stop-gap, finger in the dyke ( the little Dutch boy that is, not the porno film) scheme but not one to tell us that it was off!

I can certainly think of plenty of better things to do with my Wednesday evening than have a fruitless drive over to Beccles and then spend the rest of the evening bashing frantically on the keyboard writing this blog entry! I could have cut my toe nails, emptied out my belly button fluff or, quite simply, just vegged out in front of the box.

Right now, I really can't be arsed to join in the fun when the course finally gets off the ground in October. But if I change my mind, you'll be the first to read all about it, right here...

Nighty, nighty...